10. Real Perl coders don’t have fohawks.
9. Perl has nothing to do with Ryan Seacrest.
8. Beer improves Perl.
7. It comes with a 20-sided die for all that TIMTOWTDI.
6. It has nothing to do with PHP.
5. Captain Picard writes perl.
4. There is no better place to get Moo seX.
3. It grows on you.
2. IE8 was not written in Perl.

… drum roll …

1. You can write this.